Zombie Secrets From the Walking Dead - Facts for the Fans.

Here are some tips for the Novice Zombie Movie viewer, that is if there are any such people left out there?

Is it a Zombie Virus?

I spent last night watching a number shows from the series called the Walking Dead.

I’m not really sure why, but there I was, scrolling through the On Demand menu on my cable service and they had the whole first year’s sequence available.

I had already checked the regular channels and there was the usual fare available; Crap, mixed with mind numbing drivel, and boringly old reruns, all accentuated with an enormous number of commercials for other types of Crap.

I spent about a micro-second deciding. Watch Crap with commercials or ……..

watch a series that I had no clue if it was good or bad, but they that had no commercials.

So, I made the least painful decision, I watched the Walking Dead.

Now, I am not normally a Horror Movie fan.

They were cool a few decades ago, but generally speaking, once you have seen one Zombie shuffle across a field with blood dripping from his distorted and foul mouth, you pretty much have the whole movie plot figured out.

And, watching more than one, or maybe two, of any of these specialized genre’s of Horror Shows becomes a true waste of your time and a serious test of your intellect.

But, I decided to take a different tack with this series,

I decided I would watch and analyze this series from a very special perspective.

I would watch the series as if I was from another planet, and I was here on this Great planet Earth to spy and learn how all of the different species interacted.

My goal would be to decide which of these different species was the superior species, and then which would be the one that my people would partner with to take over the planet eventually.

Or some such ulterior, devious and power motivated plan.

So, after I had watched the first four shows of the series, here is my preliminary report listing the strengths and weakness’ of the species known as the Walking Dead, whom I shall forthwith just call Zombies.

Zombies were once regular Humans

But they are a deviant form that occurs when they catch “the Zombie Virus”.

The Zombie Virus itself

It seems that the Virus itself, is transferred to a Human when a Zombie Bites other Humans, thus causing excruciating pain and subsequently death.

And, after a still undetermined period of time, the once normal humans, morph into a Zombie themselves.

A Zombie exists exclusively on a diet of raw Human flesh.

ZOMBIES do not consume any other type of food, not other meats, vegetables, fruits, nothing but Human flesh.

Zombies never drink any fluid,

Zombies do not drink other fluids of any kind. other than the incidental blood that they take in while devouring their normal human counterpart.

Zombies never Urinate or Poop.

Hey, I just watched a number of the shows, covering a timeline of months and there was never an instance of a Zombie saying “excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom” or “Hold on a minutes guys, I gotta Pee”.

I have not even observed any Zombie Poop lying around on the streets.

And let’s admit it, these Zombies are not what you would call the neatest species we have observed, they eat and don’t even wipe their mouths, they have horrible dental care habits, and they always look disheveled, to say the least.

So, a little Poop, lying around should be expected. Right?

Zombies do not exist for long.

From what I have seen the Zombies, once they become Zombies, have a very short lifespan.

I make this assumption by applying our knowledge of the normal Humans that we have already studied.

Normal humans must consume food and fluids regularly, and they will die of they do not get at least minimal amounts of both, within weeks and usually days.

So, if Zombies are morphed Humans and they do not urinate or Poop, then they must die pretty much the same as the normal humans would, or most probably, explode, if they eat like I have seen so far.

Zombies have absolutely no sense of style.

Their attire is, and I am trying to be kind here, disheveled, wrinkled, torn, and always stained with other people’s blood.

And, if you look closely, what they do wear, does not fit them well.

So, we must assume that they just don’t care for fashion at all.

Zombies do not talk

They do not talk or communicate in any way.

They will follow another Zombie that they see another of their kind walk by, generally, with the hope that, the other Zombie is going to eat someone, and might share the humans body with them.

Otherwise the only sounds they make are the occasional growling noises, and even these are rare.

Zombies are very lazy.

They tend to just lie around until a very stupid, normal human, walks by them. At which point, they will growl and rouse from their stupor and start their chase.

Here, I must explain that Zombies are very slow and uncoordinated, so a Zombie chase is more of a lumbering walk in the general direction of whatever human roused them from their rest.

Zombies are very uncoordinated

They are uncoordinated and they have a horrible sense of balance.

They walk at a slow, stiff-legged pace, and often must even hold their arms out to maintain their balance.

There are a few more little Zombie Secrets I can share with you, so, here goes.

Zombies get absolutely no medical care,

I assume that they are un-insurable because it is obvious that their dental and physical health is atrocious.

I mentioned their poor dental hygiene, but they often have limbs missing, eyes dangling from their eye sockets, no lips on their mouths, horrible teeth, and often substantial holes and cuts in their bodies.

Some even walk around with broken bones jutting from their flesh.

Zombies have a Code of Honor.

Zombies do have a pack-like code of honor in that they will not eat each other,regardless of their overpowering hunger..

They would rather die of starvation than attack or even say anything insulting to a fellow Zombie, much less eat another Zombie when hungry.

Zombies have very strong jaw muscles.

I am not sure if this is a result of the strange virus that turns them into Zombies, but Zombies are able to rip enormous pieces of flesh from a normal human’s body in one bite.

They never seem to chew their food, and just continue to swallow large chunks of flesh before going in for another bite. A very unhealthy habit.

Zombies have no dining etiquette at all.

Once a Zombie has disabled a normal human, they then dine on the body, not with any form of eating utensils.

They just continue to tear these large chunks of human flesh from the disabled, and often screaming, body until they have eaten their fill.

So, this being a preliminary report, here is my summary;

At first glance, after what I have observed so far, we should definitely partner with the original form of the species, or the Normal Humans.

They have a lot of faults, such as their peculiar inability to get away from such slow and stupid creatures as the Zombies, but otherwise they seem to be our best choice.

As to the Zombies?

Well, I recommend that we keep a colony of these strange creatures, isolated of course, somewhere on their planet and use them as a sort of clean-up crew if the normal Humans become a problem in the future.

By that I mean that we can take any of the uncooperative Normal Humans and drop them into our colony of Zombies, and they will happily take care of our dissident Normal Human disposal needs.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little mental digression of mine, and I plan to go back on the next rainy night available and finish the series.

So, I plan another report on how Humans can be so stupid as to get caught and eaten by such an inept and uncoordinated thing, such as the Zombie species, that I have described above.